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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28771725">Withered Rosebed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch0c0_s1im3/pseuds/ch0c0_s1im3'>ch0c0_s1im3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You're Still Alive [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:09:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28771725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch0c0_s1im3/pseuds/ch0c0_s1im3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roselia can't make it</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Imai Lisa/Minato Yukina, Shirokane Rinko &amp; Udagawa Ako</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You're Still Alive [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Personal Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>To suddenly remember (remember) that figure (that figure)<br/>My heart starts to ache<br/>To say "it doesn't hurt" (for anyone) is just a lie<br/>But I still want you to tell you those faltering words</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Lisa-nee isn't here again..."</p><p>Yukina Minato glanced up at the clock, it was almost half an hour since they were supposed to start practice, yet her childhood friend was nowhere to be seen.</p><p>"We shall start without her."</p><p>Yukina turned on the audio recording of herself playing the start of their newest song, Determination Symphony, the guitar solo written purposefully for Sayo felt dull and lifeless as they began playing.</p><p>"Urunda yokan wa bye now..."</p><p>Yukina's voice was hoarse and hurt from the singing, yet she pushed on, there is no room for personal matters in Roselia, her weaknesses would have to be abandoned.</p><p>Yukina's ears twitched with every mistake, Ako's playing was particularly sloppy today, and Rinko's keyboard didn't have much life to them either.</p><p>"Omō mama break it on down-"</p><p>Yukina broke into a coughing fit as she reached the chorus, Ako immediately jumped off her seat to bring Yukina her bottle of water while Rinko continued looking down at her keyboard.</p><p>"I'm sorry about that," Yukina croaked, "one more time, from the chorus."</p><p>"Yukina-san..." Ako pouted, "you can't keep pushing yourself like-"</p><p>"I can and I will!" Yukina cut off Ako, raising her voice, "how could we possibly reach the Future World Fes if we don't push ourselves?!"</p><p>"Y-yukina-san..." Ako whimpered, "I- I didn't mean it like that, it's just that you've been pushing yourself so hard ever since Sayo passed, you should stop-"</p><p>"Don't say her name!" Yukina screamed, the world around her spun as the memories came back.</p><p>The day Sayo died, when Yukina and Lisa couldn't save her, the blood spilling over her younger sisters grave as her lifeless eyes stared into Yukina's soul.</p><p>"You were too late," they seemed to say, "failures get what they deserve."</p><p>Yukina had never felt so helpless as she cried her heart out into Lisa's shoulder if she had cared for Sayo a little more, none of this would have happened.</p><p>From that moment onwards, Yukina knew what she had to do, she no longer sang for her father, her goal was the same but with a new motivation, to reach the stage for Sayo, to let the world hear Roselia. It's what Sayo would have wanted.</p><p>Yet none of her band members thought the same way, Lisa started being late to practices, then not showing up at all. Yukina cried when she saw Lisa stumbling into her house, dressed in a low-cut red top and hotpants, barely able to fit her keys into the keyhole. Rinko stopped talking altogether, her usually quiet voice completely muted by her grief, not even Ako could get her to open up. Yet she still attended school and practices, all the same, her keyboard no longer filled with the passion of a piano prodigy, but the lifelessness of a broken girl. Ako barely even cared Sayo died, still being her old cheerful self, childish innocence. Without Sayo around, she started falling behind, now her drumming was subpar and inconsistent.</p><p>"I'm not going to play anymore!" Ako shouted as she crossed her arms, "until Yukina-san admits that this isn't right, I'm not going to practice!"</p><p>Yukina felt her entire body stiffen, her hands curled together into fists as she grasped the studio mic tightly in one hand and her skirt in the other.</p><p>"You need a break Yukina-san," Ako continued, "you can't keep singing like this."</p><p>Deep breaths, in, out. Count to ten slowly, just as Sayo taught her. One, breathe in, two, breathe out. She could do this</p><p>For Sayo.</p><p>"If you don't want to play anymore, just say it."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"You are officially dismissed from Roselia, Ako, I thank you for your time here."</p><p>"Yukina-san..." Tears formed in Ako's eyes as she pleaded, traitors deserved no mercy, if Ako wouldn't honour Sayo's memory, Yukina would find someone who will.</p><p>"I thank you for your time here."</p><p>"Yukina-san..." A whisper almost gave Yukina whiplash as she turned to glare at her keyboardist.</p><p>"What is it Rinko," Yukina asked curtly "are you going to betray me too?"</p><p>"I..." Rinko faltered, "Ako-chan has been saying it, you know it too, I think it's time to admit it..."</p><p>"I see," Yukina whispered, picking up her bag, "traitors, all of you."</p><p>"Yukina-san!" Ako shouted, grabbing onto her wrist.</p><p>Yukina shook her off, she didn't need any of them, their friendship was a lie. She would reach the Future World Fes by herself. </p><p>There is no room for personal feelings in Roselia, and that's why Yukina Minato had to leave.</p><p>---------------------</p><p>"Futo yomigaeru, ano sugata," the voice rasped, "kokoro wa sazamekidazu..."</p><p>"Tsurakunai no wa dare datte uso dakedo<br/>
Kitto obotsukanai kotoba demo tsutaetai..."</p><p>"Arigatō-" coughing filled the room as the Lone Wolf Songstress collapsed in the darkness.</p><p>"I'm sorry..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Broken Promises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>To feel like you could drown from all the sadness in your heart<br/>Let's greet each other, eyes closed, with the same smiles we've always had<br/>You know, your eyes are just beautiful</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was written really poorly, and all I know about alcohol or from the media and anecdotes from friends, so if you have any criticisms and ways to improve this, please tell me in the comments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey, Lisa-senpai!" a familiar voice called out behind her.</p><p>"Oh, hey Himari~☆," Lisa said, turning around.</p><p>The pink-haired girl ran up to Lisa excitedly, dragging Tomoe with her.</p><p>"We... Finally... Caught up to you..." Tomoe huffed, out of breath.</p><p>"Tomoe~ are you okay?"</p><p>"Yeah... I just... Not used to running so far so fast..."</p><p>"Oh come one Tomoe, it wasn't that far."</p><p>"We got lost, thrice."</p><p>Himari flashed a sheepish smile as she stuck her tongue out at Tomoe, "anyways, Lisa-senpai, what brings you here? Actually... Where are we?"</p><p>Tomoe and Himari looked around wide-eyed, not realising they had stumbled into the bar district. A long, basically alleyway of bars, there were over a hundred here and Lisa had been to at least half.</p><p>"Oh, you know... I'm just checking the place out~" Lisa said in her usual sing-song tone.</p><p>"Lisa-senpai, you haven't been drinking... Have you?" Tomoe asked while rubbing the back of her head.</p><p>"Ahaha~☆ now I can't dent that, but I promise I have self-control," Lisa laughed nervously.</p><p>"Lisa-senpai-"</p><p>"Would you like to go shopping with us Lisa-senpai?" Himari asked, faking her enthusiasm, "we can get Tomoe some new clothes and do our hair!"</p><p>"Sorry Himari, but I'm busy today, but I might join you guys another day, just drop me a message!"</p><p>Himari's crestfallen face made Lisa wince as the two of them turned and started walking out of the district.</p><p>"Bye Lisa-senpai... Stay safe..."</p><p>"If you need help, you can call us!"</p><p>"Thank you~ you two have fun too!"</p><p>Lisa sighed and rubbed her temples, she hadn't expected to meet anyone she knew here, much less her juniors from school. She needed a drink.</p><p>------------------</p><p>How easy it was to get into any one of these bars surprised Lisa, as long as she showed enough skin and looked like she knew where she was going, no bouncers or waiters ever gave her trouble.</p><p>"Back again, Lisa-san?"</p><p>The old man behind the counter, the owner of the bar, didn't spare her a glance as she quickly walked past the tables and sat on a barstool.</p><p>"The usual, tenchō," Lisa groaned as she looked at her watch, 6:28, Roselia would be finishing up practice by now.</p><p>No good, she can't think about them, not unless she wanted to remember-</p><p>"I should stop serving you so early in the evening, alcohol isn't good for young people like you," the old man said, "don't you have school or something?"</p><p>"You asked this last time tenchō," Lisa wanted to slam her head into the counter, she should have just went to another bar, "are you sure you don't have dementia?"</p><p>The old man chuckled as a stein glass full of golden liquid flew onto the counter, "I wouldn't be asking if you just told me the truth, and you still won't try any cocktails?"</p><p>"Who the fuck told me not to drink literally a minute ago?"</p><p>The old man burst into laughter as Lisa downed the beer, slamming the glass down after a few gulps.</p><p>"I'm right you know, youngsters like you shouldn't be drinking, what are you? 18? 19? The brain doesn't fully develop until you're 25! Don't want alcohol to mess up your..."</p><p>Lisa tuned the old man out, directing her attention towards the glass in front of her. She scowled into it as she saw her reflection, a worthless human being scowled right back.</p><p>What did she have? She was a horrible student, sure she managed to get into the prestigious Haneoka, yet what's the point when she failed every test and exam. What else, a gyaru? Something that started as an interest, but was only meant to hide her shame and imperfections now. A bassist? Untalented and slow, she couldn't keep up with the rest of Roselia no matter how much practice she put in. A good friend? If anyone called her that now, she'd bitterly laugh in their face, what a ridiculous statement.</p><p>Another stein glass hit the table as Lisa finished the first one, she gulped down the liquid yet again, a warm sensation building within her.</p><p>Lisa tried to wash her thoughts away with the liquid, downing more and more every time a bad thought came.</p><p>Yet today, the golden liquid had betrayed her, she couldn't stop thinking. The warm sensation, usually soothing and inviting was now hot and uncomfortable, making her thoughts run wild.</p><p>Suddenly conversation with Moca late at night in the convenience store popped up in her head.</p><p>------------------</p><p>"Look at all the drunk people outside, Lisa-san," Moca said in her sleepy voice, "don't they all look so sad?"</p><p>Sure enough, several drunk people were coming out of a nearby bar, stumbling over themselves.</p><p>"I wouldn't say sad Moca, more like tired."</p><p>"Well Moca wouldn't come out of a bar tired, Moca would to~tally be partying all the way out. What's the point of getting drunk if you aren't getting the high?"</p><p>"Yeah Moca, but I guess that's for the future, I wouldn't want to go to a bar, especially not by myself."</p><p>"Boo~ that's boring," Moca teased as she seemed to unhinge her jaw to shove an entire melon pan into her mouth.</p><p>"Ahaha, yeah, but I don't think I would have a reason to~, in any case, let's finish cleaning up and go back home~☆"</p><p>"Roger roger~"</p><p>------------------</p><p>Pathetic, that was the only word to describe herself.</p><p>She couldn't stop the memories flashing through her head. Sayo dressed as Hina. Her stupid call to tell Tsugumi to confess to Sayo. Sayo's face as Lisa cradled her in her lap, a dark bloody mess and Lisa couldn't do anything. Those lifeless eyes that haunt her every night, screaming at her in Hina's voice.</p><p>Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she continued downing the liquid. Why couldn't she forget? Why didn't the alcohol remove all the bad thoughts? Why could she see those dull emeralds every time she closed her eyes?</p><p>"More," Lisa Imai thought to herself as she gulped down the liquid, "I need more."</p><p>------------------</p><p>Lisa Imai ignored the calls of the owner as she raced out the bar, stumbling through the streets. Lisa saw it, that unmistakable teal bob of hair, it had to be her.</p><p>Lisa tripped over herself and fell face flat onto the asphalt, but she picked herself up and kept running, she could finally see her old friend again.</p><p>"Sayo!" Lisa called out with a wide smile on her face, "you finally came back!"</p><p>She tackled Sayo into a hug from behind, but Sayo screamed and started hitting Lisa.</p><p>"Get off of me!" </p><p>Lisa stumbled back, "Sayo, it's me, Lisa! Don't you recognise me?"</p><p>Sayo stepped forward and slapped Lisa across the face, causing her to lose her balance and fall into the gutter.</p><p>"Get away from me," Sayo said coldly, "or im calling the cops, you drunkard."</p><p>"Sayo, please," Lisa said as she felt her tears rolling down her cheeks, "I missed you so much, don't go..."</p><p>But Sayo was long gone, Lisa's cries echoed through the alleyway as she slammed the asphalt.</p><p>"I'm sorry Sayo," Lisa cried, "I'm sorry."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Voiceless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tomorrow will come again, like it was a given<br/>Behaving without a doubt<br/>People hold onto the fragility<br/>Of those insecure days</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Rinko-senpai?"</p><p>Rinko jumped as she felt something on her shoulder, a yelp escaping from her lips, causing Arisa to stumble back in the council room.</p><p>Rinko looked over at Arisa, who stood nervously behind her, fidgeting with the ribbon of her uniform.</p><p>"I-I was just saying, I'll handle the rest of the paperwork, for now, you can go home and rest now, Rinko-senpai."</p><p>Rinko glanced at the tall stack of paperwork the head of the discipline community left behind, and couldn't help but feel her cheeks heating up.</p><p>"R-rinko-senpai! I-I'm sorry!"</p><p>Arisa instantly bowed to apologise, but what had she done wrong? Rinko straightened Arisa's back and picked up her bag, it was better if she left, at least Arisa could get some work done then.</p><p>Rinko slung her bag on her shoulder and bowed slightly. When she looked up at Arisa, she could see the concern and worry stretched out across her face.</p><p>"Goodbye, Rinko-senpai," Arisa said, pulling her lips into a small smile, "stay safe."</p><p>--------------</p><p>Rinko felt horrible for leaving her secretary to do all the work in the student council, but Arisa always insisted that she could handle it, and was more productive alone, so Rinko should head home to rest more.</p><p>Sadly, rest didn't come easy to Rinko Shirokane.</p><p>As Rinko walked through the hallways, she could hear the hushed whispers of her schoolmates, words that weren't meant for her to hear stung harshly against her ears.</p><p>"...the student council president..."<br/>"...doesn't talk anymore..."<br/>"....haven't seen her in a while..."</p><p>Rinko gripped her bag and sped up, her shoes clicking noisily as she sped down the stairs.</p><p>"...head of discipline died..."<br/>"...no wonder..."<br/>"...same band too..."</p><p>Tears formed at the corners of her eyes as Rinko broke out into a run at the bottom of the stairs. They didn't understand anything, they didn't understand her pain, Roselia's pain, they knew nothing of how much Sayo meant to them.</p><p>Rinko didn't know where she was going, her mind went into auto-pilot as she wiped the tears away. No, no crying for Sayo, it was what she had promised.</p><p>Rinko ran through a door and out of the school. Wait, she wasn't out of the school yet, she was in the field. A large shed stood in the middle of the field, and targets could be seen at the end of it. </p><p>Rinko stepped towards the shed as she drowned in the memories. This was where Sayo had brought her that day. The hankyu bows that laid across the rack, she recognised the one she had used that day, labelled 9 with the red tape.</p><p>That day, Rinko had thought of joining a club, but she was too afraid to try. However, Sayo immediately dragged her along to try out every single club in the school, participating in the activities together. The tea ceremony club, the kendo club, the tennis club. Rinko had learnt so much together with Sayo, tried so many more things than she possibly could have alone.</p><p>As the final stop of the day, Sayo had brought her to the Kyudo club. Rinko had spent the afternoon there being taught by Sayo how to shoot a bow.</p><p>--------------</p><p>"Seisha hitchū" Sayo said, "it is the belief that as long as we shoot correctly, the arrow will hit true to its target."</p><p>"B-but," Rinko asked meekly, "what if the wind... affects the arrow..? Or other... factors affect the shot..."</p><p>"Well then, Shirokane-san," Sayo said as she nocked another arrow into her bow, "we try again."</p><p>Sayo stood tall, with perfect form, her long gaze focused at the target on the other side of the field. Breathing in, she drew the bowstring behind her ear with confidence and released. Perfect shot, the arrow pierced the centre of the target cleanly as Sayo glanced back at Rinko, smiling.</p><p>--------------</p><p>Rinko wanted to stop, but she felt the tears flowing as she leaned against the wall of the shed.</p><p>To shoot improperly was one thing, but Rinko had never taken her shot.</p><p>During Hina's funeral, Rinko had failed to console Sayo and provide any comfort. After that when Sayo disappeared for a few days, Rinko hadn't dared to reach out to Sayo, even by phone to check up on her. Finding out Sayo was acting as Hina in Haneoka and coming to band practice, Rinko still couldn't speak up, she couldn't help Sayo or provide her with any of the warmth or comfort Sayo had once provided her.</p><p>And now everything was dull. So, so dull.</p><p>Hot tears streamed down Rinko's cheeks as she berated herself. Weak, pathetic, voiceless, she had vowed to change since she became the student council president, but she was still her old selfish self. Too scared to speak up, too afraid to do anything but hide behind others. That was the real Rinko Shirokane, even now she was too scared to let her voice even be heard.</p><p>She gripped the bow tightly as she wiped her tears away, she knew what she had to do.</p><p>Dull, everything felt so dull.</p><p>--------------</p><p>She collapsed as she watched the final shot bury itself into the middle of the target. Her arms screamed in agony as she tried, and failed, to lift herself off the floor.</p><p>She could feel the blood drying on her fingers, sticking them through the shoddy, thin gloves. Her legs ached and trembled from standing up for so long. She started shivering from the cold as she felt the sweat-drenched archery uniform sticking to her.</p><p>Pulling herself up onto the bench, she could still see Sayo shooting beside her, her form still perfect, shots never hitting anywhere but where Sayo wanted them to.</p><p>"Beautiful shot, Shirokane-san," she said, a small smile on her lips, "well done."</p><p>"Thank you, Hikawa-san..." Rinko wanted to say, but a pit formed in her throat. She struggled to breathe as she saw Sayo put down her bow and head towards the school building. </p><p>"Please don't go!" Rinko screamed in her mind, but all that came out was a strangled gasp as the tears started flowing once again, "I'm sorry Hikawa-san!"</p><p>"I'm sorry..."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nooooo, Rinkooo ;-;</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope this hurt~</p></blockquote></div></div>
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